My hospital stay, so far.

When I last ended, it was the day after my surgery. I was groggy and had a marvellous nurse who called herself Marvellous as her real name was harder to remember. I still cannot remember it.

I was in a state of fuzzy, if that makes any sense. I was purposely blocking out whatever I could. Zoning out and thinking about how this can't be real. It just can't be.
That was Tuesday, the next few days are a complete blur as well.
I had no appetite, I could not force myself to eat. It hurt to swallow, it made me feel ill to think about food.
It soon hit me that I am alive. I shouldn't be. If I hadn't taken my seatbelt off a mere minute or two before the accident, my skull very likely would have been crushed. I am not in any way saying that not wearing a seatbelt is in a good idea at all. ALWAYS wear your seatbelt. I got lucky, it was pure chance.
I got to live. To be here to raise my son, to see him grow, to BE his Mother. This is an amazing opportunity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade it for the ability to walk either.

Like I said, the first few days here are a blur, so my order of remembering may not be fully accurate.
It was either Thursday or Friday of that week that I finally made a bowel movement. This was a good accomplishment, as my butt is numb as well. I was happy to have finally gone, the weight relieved from my stomach and bowels felt amazing.. Until the guy in the bed beside mine in ICU decided to make fun of the smell. Him and his Mother both. I was embarrassed and upset. I had just had to shit my bed, quite literally, and was getting made fun of for it. I felt I had just hit a new low. The jerk then decided to spray axe spray on the curtain between us, in a scent free ward. I swear it smelled worse than my poop. Thankfully the nurses told him he wasn't allowed to do that. I still felt embarrassed however.

It also would have been Thursday or Friday that I first seen the picture of my son's car seat, in the truck, after the crash. This picture made my heart stop. I couldn't believe that he had not only survived, but walked away completely unharmed.  I have never been so grateful in my entire life. The roof of the truck is crumpled down, pushing on the top of his car seat, pressing it in to the truck seat. That roof was mere centimetres from his head. It is a miracle that he is unharmed.
That being said, proper car seat installation and usage makes ALL the difference. I will be writing an entry about car seat safety very soon. I will never ever be able to stress the importance of proper car seat usage. If my son hadn't been in there proper, he would likely be dead.

My stay in the ICU was not a very pleasant one. I mean, is it ever? The nurses were amazing and awesome though. My first neighbour was a jerk. After he was transferred out, I was relieved, but still felt stressed. There was always a nurse at the end of my bed, I couldn't get even a minute of privacy.
Finally on Sunday, exactly a week from the accident, I was transferred out of ICU. Unfortunately, there was no private rooms available. Apparently they are far and few in these wards. People like my jerk neighbour only got private rooms for the protection of other patients.

So I was finally out of the ICU. I was so glad. No more nurse at the end of my bed all the time. No more rushing around me, the ICU is a very stressful environment. Upon leaving the ICU a nurse summarized my surgery report for me. I had broken two vertebrae and displaced 4 in total They stuck in 2 rods and 12 pins after doing some sort of bone fusion. I have a 6-8 inch incision with 25 staples going up my spine.  I found this information quite nifty.

During all this, I was having hyper sensitivity in my right leg, big time. Every touch to it tingled a burning sort of tingle. it was terrible. The left leg has just a numb tingling feeling all the time.

I spent these days looking forward to only one thing. The moments when my son walked in the door for visits. Hugs and snuggles and kisses from him make every last bit of pain go away temporarily. We even got to have a couple naps together, nothing has ever felt so great. The fact that both him and I are alive and well and able to have naps together is one of the many things I am most grateful for.
Obviously though, spending so much time in a hospital isn't very good for a 3 year old's development. I have told my Mom to only bring him by every other day now. He needs more time away from here, as hard as that is on me, it is him that matters most. Always.

Because of lack of private rooms, I had been stuck with a neighbour. She was an elderly lady who, at first, seemed to be the sweetest little lady in the world. She was in because she had a few seizures and was recently diagnosed with both brain and lung cancer. She is such a fighter. She was a bit controlling in regards to the room, she is claustrophobic and wouldn't allow me to close my own curtains, as she would have a panic attack. So again, I had little to no privacy. She hated my tv being on, not even just because of the noise of the tv, as I had headphones.. The buzzing to the tv being on bothered her. So the $60 a week my Dad decided to pay for my tv services felt like a waste, I felt terrible. I paid for internet services, just to have her complain about the sound of my typing as well. I was starting to feel like a prisoner. That feeling increased when the complaints about me having too many visitors started. I was beginning to get very upset with her. She was such a sweet little lady otherwise though. She was transferred out to Leduc just last night. I was moved over to the bed next to the window. Yipee!

Alrighty, now on to my recovery. It has been amazing so far.
Before being transferred out of the ICU on the 17th, I was put for the first time in a stretcher chair type thing. They sat me up and wheeled me around the hospital, I got to go outside for a few minutes and see the sky for the first time in a week. That was a great day.
Since then, I have started to use a real wheel chair! The first attempt at getting me in it did not go over very well. The physiotherapy ladies had helped me sit up, after a couple minutes sitting up I fainted. That was it for that day.
The very next day they got a lift, and lifted me in to the wheelchair, no fainting there. I was stoked. I got to go out of my room, in a real chair. My Mom and Ethan were here, so we went down to the cafeteria and had lunch. It was a good day.
I have been able to get in my wheelchair every day since. I love getting to go and leave this room.

On the 18th they removed my catheter and had planned to do an in and out catheter every 3 hours. This freaked me right out, ouch. Luckily my bladder hates catheters as much as I do, and started relieving itself fully. Day by day I am getting more control over it. This excites me so much! They have been doing routine bladder scans to be sure my bladder isn't overfilling before emptying, and that it is fully emptying. Thankfully, my bladder is doing it's job well.

On Wednesday the 20th, I had my first real physiotherapy session! It went insanely well. A good friend of mine, Dayton, was with me for it. He was almost as stoked for me as I was. It went fantastic. We worked on me being able to sit at the edge of a bed with no support. I have great balance apparently. I had no troubles at all. I mean, I almost toppled over a couple times, but caught myself (with the help of the physiotherapist).

Wednesday the 20th was also the first day I had spent without seeing Ethan. It was ridiculously hard. I missed him SO much. I bawled my heart out when I got to talk to him on the phone before bedtime. I just wished I could be with him and not stuck here. I wanted to hold him so bad.

The next day, which was yesterday, went wonderfully. I had my second physiotherapy session. This time we worked on trying to lift my legs on to a bed, and balancing while sitting cross-legged. We also worked on balancing myself while reaching for items while sitting. This was difficult, but I got it done. The physiotherapy ladies were super impressed.

My Mom and sister then brought my son to see me. I missed him so much. The hugs I got from him were the most amazing hugs ever. They always are.

Unfortunately, I had a bad experience with a couple of nurses last night. I had requested morphine for pain after getting out of my wheelchair. They had finally come with it, and the button to my mattress got hit and the mattress started deflating. The one nurse, didn't stop to hit the button to re-inflate the bed, and stuck the morphine needle in my arm, while I was sinking in to the deflating mattress. It hurt SO bad as I could not stay still. The other nurse, came in and gave me a lecture about noise. She said I was being disrespectful to my neighbour, and that and we were all adults here, not children, so crying was unacceptable. She then proceeded to ask my family to leave. I was super upset. I bawled about it multiple times last night. I felt like a nuisance to the nurse, like I shouldn't be here and I just want to go home. I still slightly feel this way. I have never been treated so unfairly by a nurse before. I felt I should be allowed to cry after all I've been through, and, that I shouldn't have gotten in trouble when the one nurse was sticking me with a needle while my body was sinking and unable to stop moving. Of course I am going to verbally express my pain. What did they expect? Me to bite my tongue off and be verbally paralysed as well as physically?

And that brings us to today, it is early morning. I woke up after a very restless night, very sore. My morphine was given to me, and I decided to write this entry. I have physiotherapy at 11am every weekday, so this will be my last session for the week. I wonder what we will do today.